Persistence

I got the same e-mail from a guy on Plenty of Fish three times. The third time, I decided to give him a proper brush-off, since not responding wasn't getting the job done. Here's how things went down:

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Him: Hey , how are you doing?

Me: Thanks for the e-mail, but I don't think we'd be a good match. Good luck in your search!

Him: what would make you think that.. why do you say that? Intelligence, humor..the biggest percentage of what u said you are looking for... i fit..curious..lol

Me: I just don't feel like we'd be a good match. Sorry.

Him: ok ... cool... i was just asking why.. not that u have to explain.. just wanted to know why u think we ar enot a match.. i wouldn't offended...but i was just asking because according to your page we area match..lol. if it is looks. that s understandable or if it is because i am latino that is fine an understandable.. nothing wrong with it.

Me: It's not because you're Latino. I just don't feel like there could be a connection. Good luck.

Him: LOL ok.. ok.. i was just asking WHY do you thin there would not be a connection? What about my page says that.. and how would u know if you have never talked to me before. I am a very good connector...lol and I also am a good moral and Godly man who is considerate of others...what triggered u to say or think we wouldn't connect is what i am asking? do u just randomly choose who think won't connect ..i mean u don't know me to know if we would connect... curios.. curiosity killed the cat.. but the satisfaction brought him back..lol

Him: hey give me a chance.. be a good friend.. and see

Me: Although you are a nice-looking man, I am not attracted to you. Good luck with your search.

Him: OK.. see that is what i was looking for... i can work with that...BUT could we be friends...

Him: also let me ask you this.. is that because you think I am a player.. some women say they think i am a player just based on how i look.. which is actually not possible to tell and is not true... i am not a player..just so u know

Me: It has nothing to do with that.

Him: cool.. but u never answered my question about friends?

Me: No answer is often its own answer.

Danar and the Latest Potential Suitors

I know you're all dying to know what the latest in the dating world of Danar is. I had interest on OK Cupid from one fella who seemed decent, though I detected a potential for clinginess. Turns out he'd seen me at the Fazoli's I frequent, and he suggested "coincidentally bumping into each other sometime." Because I'm never there without my mother, and because there are managers who would give me a hard time about meeting a guy there, I vetoed his idea. His next suggestion? Meeting up at the Olive Garden so he could -- wait for it -- use a gift card he'd received. FAIL! Not only was I turned off by the suggestion of having a gift card used on me on a first meeting/date/whatever, but I was repulsed by the idea of going to the Olive Garden, which is THE most generic restaurant I can think of, including Applebee's. I don't get the appeal at all. I ended up letting the guy down easy by telling him I didn't think I was in a frame of mind that would allow me to pursue a possible dating situation. At the time, that was true, and to some extent, it still is. I've since been communicating with a geography professor at KCTC. It's going well, though his e-mails are kind of formal. I guess that's what you get when you're e-mailing an educator. Dude needs to have a beer and loosen up a bit, though.

In Mourning

I'm not in mourning because someone passed, but rather, something (apparently) passed. I met a guy on Match about a month ago. We exchanged some e-mails and eventually talked on the phone and arranged to meet up casually. The meeting went great - we were at the bar for 3½ hours. We walked to our cars and chatted a bit more, and then he put his arms around me and kissed me. A lot. I was bashful about it because a) there were people around (though not many) and b) because I just wasn't prepared for it. But I tried to go with the flow. Incidentally, there has been one other semi-major makeout session since then, but that was two weeks ago. He invited me out to hang out with him and his friends a couple days later, and I went. I figured that since he spends so much time with his friends (they get together at least twice a week on average), he probably wanted me to get to know them so I would be comfortable not only with him hanging out with them a lot (should we end up dating), but being around them often myself. They're cool guys, and as he later told me, they seem to have taken to me as well. Heh, not like they have much of a choice. Anyway, it has only been about three weeks since we first met up. I've spent a lot more time with him and his friends than I have with just him, although we did have a bit of a "date" Friday (movie, dinner, drinks, afterparty at the usual hangout). As that night was ending, he said several times that he'd had fun that day, and I told him I had as well. But instead of a real kiss, there was a light peck on the lips. We're talking basically no pressure - it was a brush, really. I tried again and got a better one, but I left feeling like it wasn't gonna happen, though I didn't want to admit it at the time.

The next night (last night), I opted to go out to hang out with him and some of his friends at the usual place. I got kind of frustrated at one point and almost left after one drink, way before anyone else was ready to leave. But I stayed, just to see what would happen if we all left at the same time. It was basically the same as always - short chat in the parking lot, somewhat awkward hug, no kiss. I went into the evening not expecting even a hug, so I wasn't horribly disappointed again, but I ended up talking to a guy friend about how I think it's probably time to throw in the towel on expecting a relationship. He was at least encouraging, to some degree - he told me not to throw it aside yet. We're supposed to have dinner together tonight, and I'm sure we'll discuss it further, but it may be in a reflecting sense. I woke up this morning feeling like something had passed... like I'd had a dating miscarriage. I'd been all happy that maybe something would happen, and last night was the point where it passed, so now I'm in a weepy, depressed state. I'm trying to get out of it while still being somewhat optimistic, because you never know what will happen, but I ain't bankin' on anything happening besides getting a few friends out of the deal. That's nice, but I didn't exactly join Match to meet friends, and I really like(d) this guy. I'm sure they'll be meeting up on Tuesday, as they always do, but I think I'll sit that one out. Maybe I'll sit out Saturday, too.

Not interested = no response

This is why I should not respond to any nuckfut I'm not interested if he e-mails me. Some guy on OKCupid e-mailed me a couple weeks ago and just asked me out - no "hey, how ya doing, here's what kind of guy I am" or anything. I didn't respond because I wasn't interested. Today, he e-mailed me again: "All you have to do is click, to see if we could tick?" So I took a look at his profile to be fair, and I clicked through some of the questions we'd both answered to see if there was anything glaring that we didn't match on. I came across a question about same-sex marriage - was it OK or not. The guy had chosen "All same-sex relationships are wrong." Bingo! That's a major point of contention, and since he had no religion/political affiliation listed (really, none of his "vitals" were filled out), I think I'd be fair in assuming that he's probably relatively conservative. Being that I'm pretty liberal, I think that would be a major dividing point, so I decided to be nice and respond to him to say that I didn't think we were a good match.


Me: Thank you for the e-mail, but I don't think we'd be a good match. Good luck in your search.

Him: You sound like you are trying to match two dogs together or something.

Me: What should I have said? It's not like I said, "I don't think we would mate well together." I don't think our interests and values are in tune. Would no response have been preferable?

Him: Makes me think that, we are two slabs of meat looking to get together. I have more to offer than most men. I have a heart that wants more than to get into someones pants that I meet on the computer!!

Me: I have no doubt that you are a sincere man looking for a sincere woman. Unfortunately, based on some of the answers to the questions we answered, I don't think that I am the woman you're looking for.

Him: I would never want a cookie cutter woman. I want someone that is different than me. I would want someone that is willing to open their heart and want me and the differences. Looking for someone that fits a perfect profile and says all I want to here, will never be what I would want in the long run. I know finding someone on the computer is a far reach, but i am not about to go to a bar and think of wanting someone to build a life with. The perfect person is god, not me or anyone I will find on a computer.

Me: Hopefully you will find her. Good luck.

If he responds again, I think I'll tell him that it's nothing personal, but he should learn to take "no" for an answer. And then he's getting blocked.

The latest MySpace message

I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up:

"you are like full moon in the sky, well what are you , well I take gods oath you are just mind blowing, fantastic, your hair are like that clouds are fallen on your shoulder, your eyes are like just glass full of wine of love, you are like that wine of love, your face is like a lake in which lotus flower is laughing, or my heart is like an musical instrument on which you are played like a sweet song, you are just like a dream poetry of a poet, your lips are red roses all the nature salutes you, as you are queen, in the world love and romance you are the rare masterpiece of nature beauty, my heart says again you are like full moon in the sky"

Undateable

I was watching a show called Undateable on VH1 this evening. It's based on a book called Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won't Be Dating or Having Sex by Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle. It was a RIOT. Thank God I haven't encountered too many men guilty of any of these crimes against women. Well, I only saw 40 out of the 100 worst ones, so I'm sure there have been some others I've been subjected to. But it started me thinking about what my own list of undateable qualities would include. Here's one: toilet paper. Keep plenty on hand, and do not steal it from your place of employment. My ex used to do that, and he ran out right before I got there once. I went to Kroger and bought him (well, ME) TP for 81¢, including tax. I even had to start keeping a roll in my trunk in case I went to his house, and he had run out again! I know guys can be cheap, and he took an abnormal amount of pride in being cheap, but geezus, who can't afford 81¢?! And seriously, what would he have done had he had to take a poo, and there was no paper? Wipe his ass with the pages of the precious log home magazines he was always making the O face over? I shudder to think.

And since we're talking bathroom courtesy, here's something that will probably gross everyone out and make them wonder why I stayed with my ex as long as I did. One of the first times I went over to his place, I had to use the loo, and the one downstairs was pretty much always nonfunctional, so I went to the one upstairs. Dumbass had gone #2 earlier and somehow FORGOT to flush. Yeah, that's a level of intimacy I *never* want to reach with any guy, ever again. I should've dumped his arse a lot sooner, no pun intended.

The Nigeria Scam of the Romance Realm

I'm not one to hang out on MySpace too much anymore (heh, who does?), but I do log in to check my e-mail and friend requests. These are three similar e-mails I received yesterday:

Subject: Hi

HELLO
how are you doing today?i cant help but to send you this message cos i think you are really cool and the kind of woman i would love to spend the rest of my life with,i am a cool,caring and understanding man who is looking for a life partner.i am mark brown and i am a contractor,am a native of America but am in Nigeria presently for contract purposes.i love reading,writing,walking on the beach,hanging out with friends.i am a very loving man and i believe strongly in love that is why am here online to look for my true love and i would really love us to get to know each other better cos i believe we can be a perfect ...if you don't mind,we can talk on yahoo messenger mark_brown_69@yahoo.com,you can add me up there.have a lovely day and i would be expecting a reply from you.thanks


(Heh - Nigeria! "Hello, I would like you to help me make a 'deposit' into the Bank of You.")

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Subject: hi cutie

I saw your profile and it caused and unusual impact, I am interested in you. You have such a beautiful profile. Have you found your lover? If you are still searching, I would like to know more about you, what motivates you? What makes your heart leap with passion? Love? Joy? I find your intelligence and beauty very exciting.Your profile compared to yours. I'm looking for a woman who wants to take the time to get to know me through email correspondence and an open sharing of the head and the heart first through email and Chatting online and then negotiating a meeting in person if we both remain interested. I am ready willing and able to venture forth on a journey that will leave the past behind while preserving the best memories and forgiving the ones that were hurtful and usually unintentional. I live life one day, one hour, one moment at a time. I want and need the healing power of love physically emotionally and spiritually.I live as if time were on fire and I believe that every day of the right relationship should be treated like the first day of our honeymoon. I want to share what I have with one special woman who will appreciate that I have a deep capacity to love that needs to be filled and fulfilled. We can't keep it unless we give it away. I am writing these thoughts as the flow into my head and my sense is that they are coming directly from my heart.I'm feeling very peaceful now and this seems like the appropriate place to stop. If for some reason we happen not to be right for each other, I wish you the best in your search.Moreover, I will like you to put a smile on my face by hearing back from you..this my email adress XXXXXXX@yahoo.com,feel free to send me mails or add me up on your im so we can chat.
Thinking of you
Ray

(Not searching, so this is all moot. Sorry, dude.)

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Subject: hello there

My name is Corey but my mom and some people call me (corey lit ),Am single man. I am new to this type of atmosphere in meeting people, I have only been a member for a couple days and and I Just wanted to know where this will lead to..I enjoyed reading your profile and it was so interesting and also got me stunned as well!! I would like to get to know you better. If you are serious about the type of Man you are looking for, please take the time to get to know me.I don't Care about the Age or Distance ,and I will Like to know More about a Woman Like you. May be you are the Angel Sent down from God... I will be Glad to hear back from you and Know more about you.. I do have alot of Pics to share with you But I dont like double dating and I dont like staying on the Website that Much... So I will be Glad if you can Email me Directly into my Personals
Email So we can talk much Better..... because as i know this will make our communication more complex and unique and it will help in photo sharing....So email me to or you can drop me your email address and i will email you.
XXXXXXX
at
ymail
dot
com
I cant wait to hear back from you..
Hope to hear back from you soon

(WTF is Ymail? Also, this guy's profile has been deleted. That's not suspicious at all, no sir.)


Here's a hint, guys. Some women are smart enough to realize when you're copying and pasting some spiel from either a) another e-mail you already sent to 1,000 women, or b) a dating site. If you really want her to respond, read her effing profile and comment on a thing or two on it.