I couldn't possibly make this sh*t up:
"you are like full moon in the sky, well what are you , well I take gods oath you are just mind blowing, fantastic, your hair are like that clouds are fallen on your shoulder, your eyes are like just glass full of wine of love, you are like that wine of love, your face is like a lake in which lotus flower is laughing, or my heart is like an musical instrument on which you are played like a sweet song, you are just like a dream poetry of a poet, your lips are red roses all the nature salutes you, as you are queen, in the world love and romance you are the rare masterpiece of nature beauty, my heart says again you are like full moon in the sky"
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Undateable
I was watching a show called Undateable on VH1 this evening. It's based on a book called Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won't Be Dating or Having Sex by Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle. It was a RIOT. Thank God I haven't encountered too many men guilty of any of these crimes against women. Well, I only saw 40 out of the 100 worst ones, so I'm sure there have been some others I've been subjected to. But it started me thinking about what my own list of undateable qualities would include. Here's one: toilet paper. Keep plenty on hand, and do not steal it from your place of employment. My ex used to do that, and he ran out right before I got there once. I went to Kroger and bought him (well, ME) TP for 81¢, including tax. I even had to start keeping a roll in my trunk in case I went to his house, and he had run out again! I know guys can be cheap, and he took an abnormal amount of pride in being cheap, but geezus, who can't afford 81¢?! And seriously, what would he have done had he had to take a poo, and there was no paper? Wipe his ass with the pages of the precious log home magazines he was always making the O face over? I shudder to think.
And since we're talking bathroom courtesy, here's something that will probably gross everyone out and make them wonder why I stayed with my ex as long as I did. One of the first times I went over to his place, I had to use the loo, and the one downstairs was pretty much always nonfunctional, so I went to the one upstairs. Dumbass had gone #2 earlier and somehow FORGOT to flush. Yeah, that's a level of intimacy I *never* want to reach with any guy, ever again. I should've dumped his arse a lot sooner, no pun intended.
And since we're talking bathroom courtesy, here's something that will probably gross everyone out and make them wonder why I stayed with my ex as long as I did. One of the first times I went over to his place, I had to use the loo, and the one downstairs was pretty much always nonfunctional, so I went to the one upstairs. Dumbass had gone #2 earlier and somehow FORGOT to flush. Yeah, that's a level of intimacy I *never* want to reach with any guy, ever again. I should've dumped his arse a lot sooner, no pun intended.
Friday, May 7, 2010
The Nigeria Scam of the Romance Realm
I'm not one to hang out on MySpace too much anymore (heh, who does?), but I do log in to check my e-mail and friend requests. These are three similar e-mails I received yesterday:
Subject: Hi
HELLO
how are you doing today?i cant help but to send you this message cos i think you are really cool and the kind of woman i would love to spend the rest of my life with,i am a cool,caring and understanding man who is looking for a life partner.i am mark brown and i am a contractor,am a native of America but am in Nigeria presently for contract purposes.i love reading,writing,walking on the beach,hanging out with friends.i am a very loving man and i believe strongly in love that is why am here online to look for my true love and i would really love us to get to know each other better cos i believe we can be a perfect ...if you don't mind,we can talk on yahoo messenger mark_brown_69@yahoo.com,you can add me up there.have a lovely day and i would be expecting a reply from you.thanks
(Heh - Nigeria! "Hello, I would like you to help me make a 'deposit' into the Bank of You.")
------------------------------------------------------
Subject: hi cutie
I saw your profile and it caused and unusual impact, I am interested in you. You have such a beautiful profile. Have you found your lover? If you are still searching, I would like to know more about you, what motivates you? What makes your heart leap with passion? Love? Joy? I find your intelligence and beauty very exciting.Your profile compared to yours. I'm looking for a woman who wants to take the time to get to know me through email correspondence and an open sharing of the head and the heart first through email and Chatting online and then negotiating a meeting in person if we both remain interested. I am ready willing and able to venture forth on a journey that will leave the past behind while preserving the best memories and forgiving the ones that were hurtful and usually unintentional. I live life one day, one hour, one moment at a time. I want and need the healing power of love physically emotionally and spiritually.I live as if time were on fire and I believe that every day of the right relationship should be treated like the first day of our honeymoon. I want to share what I have with one special woman who will appreciate that I have a deep capacity to love that needs to be filled and fulfilled. We can't keep it unless we give it away. I am writing these thoughts as the flow into my head and my sense is that they are coming directly from my heart.I'm feeling very peaceful now and this seems like the appropriate place to stop. If for some reason we happen not to be right for each other, I wish you the best in your search.Moreover, I will like you to put a smile on my face by hearing back from you..this my email adress XXXXXXX@yahoo.com,feel free to send me mails or add me up on your im so we can chat.
Thinking of you
Ray
(Not searching, so this is all moot. Sorry, dude.)
------------------------------------------------------
Subject: hello there
My name is Corey but my mom and some people call me (corey lit ),Am single man. I am new to this type of atmosphere in meeting people, I have only been a member for a couple days and and I Just wanted to know where this will lead to..I enjoyed reading your profile and it was so interesting and also got me stunned as well!! I would like to get to know you better. If you are serious about the type of Man you are looking for, please take the time to get to know me.I don't Care about the Age or Distance ,and I will Like to know More about a Woman Like you. May be you are the Angel Sent down from God... I will be Glad to hear back from you and Know more about you.. I do have alot of Pics to share with you But I dont like double dating and I dont like staying on the Website that Much... So I will be Glad if you can Email me Directly into my Personals
Email So we can talk much Better..... because as i know this will make our communication more complex and unique and it will help in photo sharing....So email me to or you can drop me your email address and i will email you.
XXXXXXX
at
ymail
dot
com
I cant wait to hear back from you..
Hope to hear back from you soon
(WTF is Ymail? Also, this guy's profile has been deleted. That's not suspicious at all, no sir.)
Here's a hint, guys. Some women are smart enough to realize when you're copying and pasting some spiel from either a) another e-mail you already sent to 1,000 women, or b) a dating site. If you really want her to respond, read her effing profile and comment on a thing or two on it.
Subject: Hi
HELLO
how are you doing today?i cant help but to send you this message cos i think you are really cool and the kind of woman i would love to spend the rest of my life with,i am a cool,caring and understanding man who is looking for a life partner.i am mark brown and i am a contractor,am a native of America but am in Nigeria presently for contract purposes.i love reading,writing,walking on the beach,hanging out with friends.i am a very loving man and i believe strongly in love that is why am here online to look for my true love and i would really love us to get to know each other better cos i believe we can be a perfect ...if you don't mind,we can talk on yahoo messenger mark_brown_69@yahoo.com,you can add me up there.have a lovely day and i would be expecting a reply from you.thanks
(Heh - Nigeria! "Hello, I would like you to help me make a 'deposit' into the Bank of You.")
------------------------------------------------------
Subject: hi cutie
I saw your profile and it caused and unusual impact, I am interested in you. You have such a beautiful profile. Have you found your lover? If you are still searching, I would like to know more about you, what motivates you? What makes your heart leap with passion? Love? Joy? I find your intelligence and beauty very exciting.Your profile compared to yours. I'm looking for a woman who wants to take the time to get to know me through email correspondence and an open sharing of the head and the heart first through email and Chatting online and then negotiating a meeting in person if we both remain interested. I am ready willing and able to venture forth on a journey that will leave the past behind while preserving the best memories and forgiving the ones that were hurtful and usually unintentional. I live life one day, one hour, one moment at a time. I want and need the healing power of love physically emotionally and spiritually.I live as if time were on fire and I believe that every day of the right relationship should be treated like the first day of our honeymoon. I want to share what I have with one special woman who will appreciate that I have a deep capacity to love that needs to be filled and fulfilled. We can't keep it unless we give it away. I am writing these thoughts as the flow into my head and my sense is that they are coming directly from my heart.I'm feeling very peaceful now and this seems like the appropriate place to stop. If for some reason we happen not to be right for each other, I wish you the best in your search.Moreover, I will like you to put a smile on my face by hearing back from you..this my email adress XXXXXXX@yahoo.com,feel free to send me mails or add me up on your im so we can chat.
Thinking of you
Ray
(Not searching, so this is all moot. Sorry, dude.)
------------------------------------------------------
Subject: hello there
My name is Corey but my mom and some people call me (corey lit ),Am single man. I am new to this type of atmosphere in meeting people, I have only been a member for a couple days and and I Just wanted to know where this will lead to..I enjoyed reading your profile and it was so interesting and also got me stunned as well!! I would like to get to know you better. If you are serious about the type of Man you are looking for, please take the time to get to know me.I don't Care about the Age or Distance ,and I will Like to know More about a Woman Like you. May be you are the Angel Sent down from God... I will be Glad to hear back from you and Know more about you.. I do have alot of Pics to share with you But I dont like double dating and I dont like staying on the Website that Much... So I will be Glad if you can Email me Directly into my Personals
Email So we can talk much Better..... because as i know this will make our communication more complex and unique and it will help in photo sharing....So email me to or you can drop me your email address and i will email you.
XXXXXXX
at
ymail
dot
com
I cant wait to hear back from you..
Hope to hear back from you soon
(WTF is Ymail? Also, this guy's profile has been deleted. That's not suspicious at all, no sir.)
Here's a hint, guys. Some women are smart enough to realize when you're copying and pasting some spiel from either a) another e-mail you already sent to 1,000 women, or b) a dating site. If you really want her to respond, read her effing profile and comment on a thing or two on it.
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