In Mourning

I'm not in mourning because someone passed, but rather, something (apparently) passed. I met a guy on Match about a month ago. We exchanged some e-mails and eventually talked on the phone and arranged to meet up casually. The meeting went great - we were at the bar for 3½ hours. We walked to our cars and chatted a bit more, and then he put his arms around me and kissed me. A lot. I was bashful about it because a) there were people around (though not many) and b) because I just wasn't prepared for it. But I tried to go with the flow. Incidentally, there has been one other semi-major makeout session since then, but that was two weeks ago. He invited me out to hang out with him and his friends a couple days later, and I went. I figured that since he spends so much time with his friends (they get together at least twice a week on average), he probably wanted me to get to know them so I would be comfortable not only with him hanging out with them a lot (should we end up dating), but being around them often myself. They're cool guys, and as he later told me, they seem to have taken to me as well. Heh, not like they have much of a choice. Anyway, it has only been about three weeks since we first met up. I've spent a lot more time with him and his friends than I have with just him, although we did have a bit of a "date" Friday (movie, dinner, drinks, afterparty at the usual hangout). As that night was ending, he said several times that he'd had fun that day, and I told him I had as well. But instead of a real kiss, there was a light peck on the lips. We're talking basically no pressure - it was a brush, really. I tried again and got a better one, but I left feeling like it wasn't gonna happen, though I didn't want to admit it at the time.

The next night (last night), I opted to go out to hang out with him and some of his friends at the usual place. I got kind of frustrated at one point and almost left after one drink, way before anyone else was ready to leave. But I stayed, just to see what would happen if we all left at the same time. It was basically the same as always - short chat in the parking lot, somewhat awkward hug, no kiss. I went into the evening not expecting even a hug, so I wasn't horribly disappointed again, but I ended up talking to a guy friend about how I think it's probably time to throw in the towel on expecting a relationship. He was at least encouraging, to some degree - he told me not to throw it aside yet. We're supposed to have dinner together tonight, and I'm sure we'll discuss it further, but it may be in a reflecting sense. I woke up this morning feeling like something had passed... like I'd had a dating miscarriage. I'd been all happy that maybe something would happen, and last night was the point where it passed, so now I'm in a weepy, depressed state. I'm trying to get out of it while still being somewhat optimistic, because you never know what will happen, but I ain't bankin' on anything happening besides getting a few friends out of the deal. That's nice, but I didn't exactly join Match to meet friends, and I really like(d) this guy. I'm sure they'll be meeting up on Tuesday, as they always do, but I think I'll sit that one out. Maybe I'll sit out Saturday, too.